Invalidating the self

DAVID YANDA | OPINION COLUMNIST Emotional invalidation: an infamous and infuriating junction between the misunderstood and judgmental where identity-erosion inadvertently emerges as an aversive guest.

Although often immediately received as scornful and uncompassionate, invalidation, when executed properly, compensates for its irritable nature with fruits of selflessness and maturity.

One of the four options we have in any problem situation is acceptance.

Validation is one way that we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. When your best friend or a family member makes a decision that you really don't think is wise, validation is a way of supporting them and strengthening the relationship while maintaining a different opinion.

This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. The more different from the mass norm a person is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated. During those times I have to focus on one thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do it well, and accept some things just won’t happen as ideally as I’d like.

When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities. As a parent I want to teach my kids these things I’ve learned.

Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 2012 Digital Edition © William Collins Sons & Co.

“You’re over-reacting.” “That’s totally irrational.” “There’s no reason to be upset.” If you have anxiety, chances are you’ve been hearing these kinds of statements for as long as you’ve struggled with the disorder.

The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems. I know these things, but sometimes I forget and get carried away by my emotions too.Obnoxious as it is unreasonable, rejecting an emotional response as acceptable will almost always leave the recipient feeling gutted and reeling in resentment.Any given action by any given person will always flush out as rational at the present time it was conducted.Validation is a way of communicating that the relationship is important and solid even when you disagree on issues.Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person's thoughts,feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable. Holding someone's hand when they are having a painful medical treatment, listening with your whole mind and doing nothing but listening to a child describe their day in first grade, and going to a friend's house at midnight to sit with her while she cries because a supposed friend told lies about her are all examples of being present.